One morning after a doctors visit, my husband and me decided to go this little out of the way diner. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what the name of the town was or the street the diner was on. We were so hungry that day. Anyway we got out of the truck and walked towards the front entrance. From the outside, the diner looked kinda' drab. When we opened the doors, we saw a really nice diner! While waiting for our hostess to seat us we looked around and noticed there were a lot of senior citizens. The place was buzzing. We finally got settled in our seats and was served a really good breakfast. As I was eating I started to feel very uncomfortable. The hat that I had on was denim and looked something like a train conductors hat. I stuck a funky crystal white star on the side for good measure. I asked my husband if he would mind if I took my hat off. He looked at me and whispered, "Maybe you shouldn't." (not in offensive way). I asked him, "Why not?". He said, Well, Babe, I'm not trying to be offensive or anything, and you know I have been out in public with you before when you didn't have anything on your head...it's just that I think if you are going to do something like that, you should either walk into an establishment with nothing on your head and stay like that or come into the establishment with it covered and leave it like that. (Really, he's a sweet man ...smile). You know, I got offended by that statement, however, I wasn't mad...I wasn't mad because I have heard that line from a lot of people, over and over again and each time, this opinion came from those that love me and were close to me. I decided that I would keep my hat on, not because I wanted to, but because I didn't want to make my husband feel bad, however, I said very softly, Honey, there is so much that is wrong with that statement. Let's enjoy our breakfast and we'll talk later. I kinda felt a little hurt because I questioned if he and others were ashamed of me being bald? Did they think I was going to interrupt people's meals by exposing who I really am?...think about that...this is who I am but people want me to hide it? While twisting my hat only 100 times during my meal, am I just being paranoid?...well later brought the subject up again and said honey this hairloss confuses me sometimes. Why is it more acceptable by others to always let me know what's appropriate for me. They say,"Wear a wig during special occasions or work,( I work in a law firm ), hats are ok to dress up or wear casually, I love your creative head wraps and you should be bald and happy!". I told him that some people are embarrassed for me, others would have me look like what "they" think is acceptable, whether they would go out bald or not... but no one really cares how uncomfortable I feel wearing hats, wigs, scarves...in the heat, cold, while I'm dancing, while I'm making love...no one ever asks me. I don't really feel that anyone should ask me,...I have to do what is comfortable to me!...its just that the people around me don't understand what it is like to be a bald women in our society...for the record, I like wearing hats, wigs, scarves depending on my mood and clothing, I like to be bald in the heat as long as the tempature is below 90 degrees,bald when I'm making love, bald, bald when I'm dancing, sometimes bald at work, sometimes scarves when I'm cleaning...bottom line I want to be comfortable in any setting or occasion...I just don't want to feel like I have to hide who I am according to who I'm with, who's around me, who feels uncomfortable looking at me. Question for ya...if a man walked into an eating establishment and felt uncomfortable and wanted to remove his hat, would anyone question that? Bottom line, I don't feel comfortable hiding who I am. Incidentally, one of the ladies in the diner walked by me and said, "I know you!". You're the lady that gets on the train every morning! I just want to tell you that you wear the most beautiful head pieces. I look up every morning just to see what you are going to wear next...YOU SEE WHY I AM SO CONFUSED????
